Beautiful When You Cry
by BlueDaisy2158
Summary: When Draco breaks, Harry is there to put him back together again. Post HBP, but no real spoilers.


I think you're beautiful when you cry.

Sometimes, I miss the boys we once were, back at school. We were carefree and careless and didn't realize it until it was too late.

Now we're here, in this new life that is being carved out of the damage the war has wrought, and you are always sad. You hide it well, so well that most people don't even see it. They see the happy and sometimes exuberant face you try to portray to the world, but they do not get the pleasure of seeing you like I do. I see you when you bend. I see you when you finally give in to the pressure and break. No one could ever know you like I do.

I held you today, after you came home from work. Tears were streaming down your face as you walked in the door, and I knew that it was going to be one of those days. You immediately went to our room and lay down on the bed, waiting for me to join you. At least I think you were waiting for me to join you, I can never really be sure. Sometimes, I think you want me there, and others, I think you would like to be left alone in your misery and pain. I can't do that though, because I love you too much, and am afraid that if I left you to the pain, it would be too much for you to bear.

You are constantly bending, but you only break every now and again. When you do, it is this truly spectacular mess that I fear I will never be able to help you clean up completely.

When you cry, you do it for your parents, your friends, the sins you think you have committed. Sometimes, I even think you cry for me and what you think you will never be able to give me.

You are what I want, just like you are. I need you more than anything, more than air, more than life. It sounds dramatic and romantic, but it is true. It always will be.

When I hold you, I wish I could say that I do it completely for you, but that wouldn't be honest, and I am nothing if not honest. I hold you because without you, I would have no point. If you could understand that, maybe you wouldn't be sad anymore.

You are beautiful when you are sad.

You cried while I held you, and whispered words in my ear. "I can't do it anymore. There is no point. I just don't understand why everything is always this way, why I always feel this way. I can't hide it anymore," you said brokenly, and I held you and patted your back and tried to be comforting. I could have left you, but then you would break beyond repair. You said there was no point, and there isn't, without you.

I pulled you from our bedroom, and started a shower for you. We undressed slowly and silently, and then stepped under the spray. There was nothing sexual about it. It was just me, slowly stroking your arms, chest, and back, trying to comfort you and failing as I always do. You allowed me to hold you again after several minutes, and we stood there until the water grew cold.

We dressed again silently, and I half expected you to go into our room and shut the door, but you didn't. You followed me into the den and selected a romantic comedy to watch. We sat together on the couch, your head in my lap, and after about twenty minutes, you were smiling and laughing and making all of those catty comments about the actors you like to make. I smiled and laughed, too, because it is my part in all of this. You bend and break, then pretend to heal when I try to put things right again. We both wear masks it seems.

When Hermione showed up unexpectedly at the door an hour later, she pretended not to notice your red eyes, while you pretended that you were okay and I pretended that nothing had happened. We sat together, for a long while, making inane conversation, while I realized that Hermione must have seen the beginning of your break down and must have been attempting to check up on you.

You leaned up against me, while she sat across from us, struggling not to show her true emotions. Apparently, it is a game we all play. I lifted my hand to brush my fingers through your silky blond hair. My eyes caressed your body for a brief instant before I looked directly at her, making eye contact. I was using my actions to speak to her without words. I know what he is going through, I was saying, and I will take care of him.

Shortly after that, she left us alone together. You still wore a smile on your face, but I knew that you were not alright. You were healing, but the next day your mask would be firmly in place again. Mine would be there, too. We would pretend, as we always do, that nothing had happened, and I would wait on pins and needles for the next time you would break.

One day, you may break beyond repair. I only ask that when you do, break me, too, because I want to go with you.

Though you may have smiled, while we prepared for bed, I could still see the sadness in your eyes. You are beautiful in sadness, and I felt my heart constrict a little bit as I looked at you.

We turned off the lights and climbed into bed, but I could still see you in the moonlight that seeped through the window. I reached out to brush a lock of your hair from your forehead and whispered, "You are my point."

Your brow scrunched up as it does when you are confused, and you asked "What are you talking about, Harry?"

Normally we pretend that nothing has happened, and we attempt to move on while ignoring the obvious. Not this time.

"Earlier, when you were broken, you said that there was no point, but that is not true. You are the point for me."

Your expression became one of astonishment, and then slowly, it faded. A tear escaped your eye and trailed down your cheek, glistening in the moonlight. It was not a sad tear though. Your face broke out into a smile, and my breath was taken away. It was a real smile, not another mask, and I realized that you must be happy. It took me a second to recognize it because it has been so long since I have seen such a thing.

Then, you were crying again, but that was okay because it was not another sign that you were breaking again. This time, it was a sign that you were truly healing, and I felt hope for the first time in so long that I could scarcely believe that it still existed.

I came to love you when you were sad, but I think I will love you even more when you are finally happy.

I think you are beautiful when you cry.


End file.
